Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Inday says!

I believe that my trained skills and expertise in management with the use of standard tools and my discipline and experience will contribute significantly to the value of work that you want. My creativity, productivity, and work efficiency and the high quality of outcome I can offer will boost the work progress.
-Sagot ni Inday sa bago niyang amo

"I stay awake in the coldness of the darkened sky contemplating why, for some reasons, has my emptiness manifested, extending to that niche where I was given life and growth, that because of austerity I was made separate from..."
-Inday, hindi makatulog dahil nahohomesick

"I am solitary. I find it hard to succumb into slumber, though the downpour of rain should've made it easy. This exuberant emotional glue I have for you, cannot be simply washed away. The multiplicity of what I feel for you is inevitable. This isn't platonic. It's real, true romance."
-Inday, nageemote sa may bintana, habang iniisip si Dodong, ang boyfriend niya

"The statute restricts me to love you but you have the provocation. The way you smile is the proximate cause why I love you. We have some rules to think of. We have no vested rights to love each other because the upper household dismissed my petition!"
-Inday, nakipagbreak kay Dodong (driver ng kapitbahay)

"Dear Sir/Madam,

Attached herewith is a list of proposed acquisition in line with my proposal to upgrade your household facilities. I have already made an initial survey of current market prices. Note, however, that prices could vary depending on the prevailing exchange rate and aggregate supply and demand, which we also monitor on an hourly basis."
-Inday, nagpapaalam mamalengke

Amo: Inday bumili ka nga ng mga isda... ay teka, oo nga pla inglisira ka... Would you please purchase many fishes for this week's meals?
Inday: Judging from your statement I believe you meant a variety of fish. The term "fishes", although rarely and even erroneously used, connotes a plethora or an array of different kinds of the aforementioned gilled creatures. But the more pressing questions before I traverse the road to the wet market would be: What certain type of fish? Fillet or not? Frozen or just right smack the day's catch? (Pauses) Aaah... by manner of careful extrapolation, given the meager budget in this household's quasi-peasant middle class taste, I assume then I will source the staple "galewng-gowng" . Am I correct?
Amo: Leche!
Inday: You meant the freshwater milkfish? Then the "ba-ngooz" is it!

La vida no es una broma actualmente. El dinero es tan duro de pasar. Puede usted bajar el precio parci mi? Soy ya su compradora avido diario por favor?"
-Inday, tumatawad sa merkado ng isinama siya ng amo sa EspaƱa

Drunken shrimp and blue lobster meat with caviar served with milagrosa rice (red variety) and apricot sauce; vegetables in balsamic vinegar splashed with extra virgin olive oil; lychee and peach salad with sour cream cheese topped with lemon zests
-Baon ni Junior sa daycare na inihanda ni Inday

Bloody hell!!! What the f*ck did just land on my cutie top? I mean I've spent all day just to make myself look fabulous. I think I'll have this eewy thing removed in a whip wham of time!"
-Reaction ni Inday nung natalsikan siya ng mantika habang nagluluto ng tilapia

Ipomea aquatica has become the constant ingredient to this Filipino delicacy which is very helpful in the digestion during the peristaltic process of the food we intake. Due to the continuous rains and floods, the harvest of the said vegetable has lessened the production in the market.
-Banat ni Inday kung bakit walang kangkong sa nilutong sinigang

Heavy fire that was exerted by the stimulus affect the best conductor of heat which is the steel, causing the "Oriza sativa" which is the scientific name of rice to change its state of color, smell, as well as the taste.
-Sagot ni Inday nang tanungin siya ng amo kung bakit nasunog ang sinaing

Off you go! Under no circumstance this house would relent to such unabashed display of vagrant destitution!
-Inday, pinapaalis ang makulit na pulubi sa gate

Allergens triggered the immune response. Eosinophilic migration occurs at the reaction site and release of chemotactic and anaphylotoxin including histamine and prostaglandins. These substances result to increase circulation to the site promoting redness.
-Sagot ni inday nung tanungin ni Sir kung bakit may rashes si Junior

Amo: Day! Bakit may bukol si Junior?
Inday: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered architectural design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy's cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.
Amo: (Di nakareact)

Dear Mom,

Had it not been for the smelling salt, I must have collapsed moments ago. Junior has become a little monster to me. Remember the head accident he had? As if it wasn't enough, he was summoned by the principal of his shabbily-run academe. Oh, such an erudite bunch
of baboons! I never thought that being a governess can be such a strenuous employ.
Your daughter,

Inday

Dear Inday,

Walanghiya ka! Magpadala ka ng pera! Nasa ospital
nanay mo, dumugo ang ilong kababasa ng pesteng sulat
mo!

Tatay

Amo: Bakit tuwing pag-uwi ko, nadadatnan kitang
nanunuod ng TV?
Inday: Because I don't want you to see me doing absolutely nothing!

Amo: Inday di ba nanood ka ng The Buzz kahapon? Bkit daw umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA7?
Inday: Sometimes people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons, but because they just know that things will get worse if they'll stay. Leaving can be a tough act and it's harder when people can't understand you for doing so.

Physical stress and excessive work may result to serious damage to one's body. It is therefore essential that once in a while we take a break from our usual routine to replenish the lost energy we once had."
-Sabi ni Inday sa amo noong humingi siya ng day off

The consistency was fine. But you see, it seems that the increased amount of sodium affected the taste drastically and unfortunately, after several minutes of analytical thought, it seems that the situation has become irreversible. I do apologize. Utmost care will be taken next time.
-Nageexplain si Inday sa amo kung bakit maalat ung ulam na niluto niya

Love - a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart that weakens the brain, causes the eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker!
-Si Inday, gumagawa ng blog niya sa friendster

A change in the weather patterns might have occured causing havoc to affected surroundings. The way debris are scattered indicates that the gust of wind is going northeast, causing damage to the path it is going.
-Sagot ni Inday sa amo nung tinanong kung bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay

Much as I want to indulge in the proliferation of such indecent and malicious information, I want to lift the stigma and alleviate society's perception of our profession.
-Inday, tumatangging makipagtsismisan sa katulong sa kabilang bahay

Amo: Inday, anong ginagamit mo sa katawan mo? Ang kinis mo kasi! Siguro gumagamit ka ng papaya o kaya kalamansi?
Inday: NO! ONLY BELO TOUCHES MY SKIN! Who touches yours?

Ederlyn: Walang hiya ka! Wala kang karapatang pantayan ako! Hayop ka! You're nothing but a second rate, trying hard, copycat!

Inday: Excusemoi? Me, a copycat?! Your mockery is so lame and your attempt at English is so predictable! Why don't you open your eyes to the fact that your glory days are over?! Your persistence to persuade people to come to a party that does not exists is simply ridiculous and cheaply constructed! It's beginning to get to my nerves! You and your petty schemes! No one undermined Inday's intellect, you low life bitch!

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Answers to the "Judgment" question on my August 8 blog

Here’s the answer to the judgement quiz.

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

And the answer to the abortion question:
If you said yes, you just killed Beethoven.

There's Something About Inday

You must have already received at least an sms or two about the socialite househelp named Inday. Seems she's a big hit on sms jokes these days. Well here are some of the compilations. Read on...

Dahil sa tindi ng kahirapan sa probinsya, namasukan si Inday bilang katulong sa Maynila. Habang ini-interview ng amo?

Amo: Kelangan namin ng katulong para mag ayos ng bahay, magluto, maglaba, magplantsa, mamalengke, at magbantay ng mga bata. Kaya mo ba ang lahat ng ito?

Inday: I believe that my trained skills and expertise in management with the use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will contribute significantly to the value of the work that you want. My creativity, productivity and work-efficiency and the high quality of outcomes I can offer will boost the work progress.

Amo: [nosebleed]

Nakaraan ang dalawang araw, umuwi ang amo, nakitang me bukol si junior.

Amo: Bakit me bukol si junior?

Inday: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered architectural design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy's cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.

Amo: [nosebleed ulit]

Kinagabihan, habang naghahapunan.

Amo: Bakit maalat ang ulam?

Inday: The consistency was fine. But you see, it seems that the increased amount of sodium chloride (NaCl) affected the taste drastically and those actions are irreversible. I do apologize.

Amo: [nosebleed na naman]

Donya: Bakit tuwing paguwi ko, nadadatnan kitang nanunuod ng tv?!

Inday: Because I don't want you to see me doing absolutely nothing.

Donya: [hinimatay]

Kinabukasan, sinamahan ni Inday si junior sa principal's office dahil di makapunta ang amo at donya.

Principal: Sinuntok ni junior ang kanyang kaklase.

Inday: It's absurd! It was never a fact that he will inflict a fight. I can only imagine how you handle schizophrenic kids on this educational institution. Revise your policies because they suck!

Principal: [nag resign]

Pag dating sa bahay, nandun na ang amo, galit na galit.

Amo: Inday, bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!

Inday: A change in the weather patterns might have occurred wrecking havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris are scattered indicates that the gust of wind was going northeast causing damage to the path it was heading for.

Amo: [nosebleed ulit]

Habang nagluluto si Inday ng hapunan, malikot si junior.

Inday: Stop your raucous behavior. It is bound to result in property damages and if that happens there will be corresponding punishment to be inflicted upon you!

Junior: [takbo sa CR, punasan ang nagdudugong ilong]

Pagkatapos magluto, nanood na ng TV si Inday. Nabalitaan nya umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA 7.

Junior: Bakit kaya sya umalis?

Inday: Sometimes, people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know that things will get worse if they'll stay. Leaving can be a tough act, and it's harder when people can't understand you for doing so.

Junior: [tuloy ang pagdugo ng ilong]

Nung gabing yon, me nag text ke Inday. Si Dodong, ang driver ng kapitbahay, gusto maki pag text-mate.

Inday: To forestall further hopes of acquaintance, my unfathomable statement to the denial of your request - Petition denied.

Di nagla-on, dahil sa tyaga ni Dodong, nagging syota nya rin si Inday. Pero di tumagal ang kanilang relasyon, at nakipag-break si Inday ke Dodong.

Inday: The statute restricts me to love you but you have the provocations. The way you smile is the proximate cause why I love you. We have some rules to think of. We have no vested rights to love each other because the upper household dismissed my petition!"

Dodong: Perhaps you are mistaken, what you seem to contrive as any affections for you are somewhat half-hearted. I was merely attempting to expand my network of interests by involving you in my daily recreation. Heretofor, you can expect an end to any verbal articulation from myself"

Me dumaan na mamang basurero, at narinig ang usapan ni Inday at Dodong.

Basurero (sabi ke Inday): Be careful in letting go of the things you thought are just nothing because maybe someday you'll realize that the one you gave away is the very thing you've been wishing for to stay.

Narinig ang lahat ng eto ng amo ni inday.

Amo: [nagpakamatay]

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Answers to the "Judgment" question on my August 8 blog

Here’s the answer to the judgement quiz.

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

And the answer to the abortion question:
If you said yes, you just killed Beethoven.